Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Skyward Sword and Throwing Up

Doesn't that title just make it sound like I'm about the make a really cool analogy between an excellent video game and mom life? Don't be fooled.

In addition to battling monsters, your sword can collect money. How does that make sense?

Here's the scoop:

I was playing skyward sword during the kiddos nap. (The original plan was to do dishes, but, uh, the city had cut off our water, yea, yea. Yeah, water cut off, can't do those darn dishes.) After a few hours slightly less than productive moments, Titus came wondering down hall as he always does. He sat down next to me, grabbed his controller and "played"/snuggled with me. This was normal. I was about to save (and stop playing-I promise I do other things with him sometimes), when I heard "eh-bleeeeeh."

It was his smoothie, and it wasn't coming from the cup, shall we say. Thinking this was a fluke (no one we knew has thrown up recently), I set him down halfway to the bathroom to rearrange my grip. It wasn't a fluke. Well, fine then, I finally get him to the bathroom and well, at least the rest of his stomach was empty now, eve if it happened to be on the bathroom floor. (Now, for background sake, Titus has only ever been sick once**. When he was a baby, he stuck his hand into a hand foot and mouth disease infected person's mouth and into his own at lighting speed.) Obviously, this must have been food poisoning, so the episode was registered in my brain-log as, "tell Adam after work, don't leave smoothies on the counter for 3 hours, and please Lord may that never happen again."

Two hours later: "Mommy! Mommy! Up!" I go in excited for cuddles. I come out with another load of laundry and a second shower for the day.

Forty minutes later: "Titus are you going to throw up again? You look sick." "No. I'm ok." "I'm going to hold you over the bucket just in case." "NonoNoNONONO! Heh-bleeeeeeh"

It took me this long to realize the poor kid was actually sick. Titus had been as happy as can be all day- we even had a large group playdate this morning! ... Oh no! We had a large group playdate this morning! The poor souls. (I did send them a warning.)

So, I tried to think of what would look the least disgusting coming up be gentlest on his little tummy for dinner. A peanut butter sandwich is not that thing.

I probably spent fifteen minutes with a crying baby putting ~800 layers of sheets/plastic on the beds in preparation for tonight. (Because we all know Titus will not be staying in his own bed, seeing as he never does.) Hopefully it will work. Pray for us.

Things I've learned from this:

1) When your toddler comes down the hall with his hands over his mouth, don't say "do you need a bucket?" Just get one.

2) Never think, "Ah, at least it didn't get in my hair when he threw up on me."

3) Don't send a generous, willing to stay home husband to men's poker night. It will make the sickness worse.

4) Keep the laundry moving. You will run out of rags.

5) I am actually very calm in the face of bodily fluid. My first reaction on the couch was a calm, "Oh, you threw up." (Which I actually think helped the whole day because it visibly calmed down Titus who looked terrified because he had no idea what was happening.)

Some silver lining to this all: Titus got a great chemistry lesson on baking soda and vinegar reactions and even went to bed with no fuss at all after I explained to him that sleeping will help him to get better.

**You know how true this is?: I didn't know what to do. My first thought was not "move him away from my computer that he's sitting next to," or "get rags" but rather "I need to call my mom! What do I do when a kid throws up!?"(Answer: clean, lots. And lots of laundry)

Monday, January 13, 2014

So, I'm sick

My mental energy is sapped. Sitting up makes me dizzy. Standing is a no go. And yet, my kids still want to be fed, have fresh bottoms, and cuddle. How rude.

What about this says "Snuggle me!"?

The silver lining to this: My toddler has been a champ. He washed the veggies for dinner (the only part that required standing), threw away diapers, and entertained the four month old (who, by the way, can sit on her own. What?!) so I could continue to lay on the couch and mentally recite Cars line for line.

So really, this post is not for you. It's for me. It's for when Titus is a punk teenager and I need a little pick me up to prevent me from throttling him. Thank you for your indulgence.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Would You Eat It?

So, when I said I was the worst cook, I wasn't kidding. Tonight:

Pond scum or dinner?

And that's about how it tasted too. In the words of Adam: "Well, it would be a good soup for Lent."

On the other hand, when he makes dinner:

He even gets points for artful presentation.

And guess which one the two year old went for?

One more, because it makes me laugh:

It's an Amazon, get it?

Thursday, January 2, 2014

7 Quick Takes: Mommy Beard, Baby Jesus and More (Week 6)

Happy Friday! Because I am lazy efficient, I've decided to shamelessly exploit use quotes from my Titus, my 2 year old.


"Touch Mommy beard?" Sorry little man, I've been growing it for 25 years and you can't even see a single hair yet.


"I stinky. Need shower." Followed by "I took shower. I not stinky...anymore!" An astute observation.


As he dashes into the kitchen to me. "Baby Jesus hungry!" He then swipes the bottle from the table and proceeds "feed" our nativity set.

Can't you just see that that little face is starving?


(Pointing at Tractor book) "Daddy ride dat one. Baby Ahnana ride dat one. Titus ride dat one. Mommy ride dat one."


Theological thought of the day: (While dancing the manger animals one by one) "How doin' Jesus?"


"Titus, what do you think this present is?" "It's a...toy?" And, ya know, he was right for every present.

My Titus' favorite present.


And one from me, since you already know Titus' from the Honey Incident. "It was like watching Titus rip up money and take a pee on the scraps." Seriously, fourteen dollars! I'm still upset about it.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

13 pictures of 2013

I saw this today:

And who can resist pictures?

I have become about as interesting as furniture when Daddy is around.

Our friends had a kid and let us practice having two before we actually did. It was hard. 

Titus' last time being worn. At least he had a drink for the occasion.

I built that.

In reality: this picture is just an example of how sunglasses make you look like a super model. The face I was making was outrageous.

Nine months pregnant. In August. In Florida. 

What could be better than a little indoor swimming?

This is not 3 minutes before that peeler stabbed Ariana's eye.
But the point is he's somewhat helpful now.

These ladies are the answer to years worth of prayers.
Can't you just tell by their faces?

Flirting with the ladies. Adorable toddler friendships- this year has been my first time seeing it.

Her joy here says it all.

This is only here because Titus insists on taking one every. single. day.
And 99% of them are this bad.

Family outings require much more running with a toddler in tow.

This year we finally recovered from Titus' birth. We are fun again!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

The Honey Incident

Good news! I'm not dead! (And neither is my blog.)  I've been visiting family for Christmas, which means I must spend ALL THE MINUTES talking. And visiting. Oh, and uh, talking. But! My parents are having a party, so you all get me. Without further delay, I relate: "The Honey Incident of 2013."


Our scene: The kitchen. One grumpy (teething?) baby, finally, finally asleep after the worst morning of her life. One ...uh... helpful toddler, unpacking groceries. One frazzled mama, attempting to get the family ready for a 10 day leave the next day and do twenty things at once. One being getting melting food and warming meat finally put away.

Titus started out his normal helpful self. Putting nuts in the pantry, using two hands, et cetera, et cetera. But, just as a I turned away to get the sausage in the freezer (at last!), he grabs the honey. This honey is an organic, local, raw, in glass, $13.99 jar of honey. We are not $14 jar of honey people around here. My husband is a Catholic school teacher folks. I only justified the purchase because the screaming baby meant another errand stop was out of the question and hey, the glass jar was cool.

Having completely forgotten that that honey existed (it had been four grueling hours since we returned), I gave Titus a rather urgent command to DROP IT RIGHT NOW. In the slowness of the following second, I'm not sure whether he threw it or dropped it like I said, but that glorious golden goo hit the tile. And in my relaxed, loving, peaceful parenting way, I of course handled the situation in a totally calm, logical manner.

A picture taken at the exact moment of the drop.

As I watched the gleaming overpriced liquid seep out of the broken jar, I may have lost my mind. After sending Titus to the other room to prevent further screaming (me not him) I made one of life's tough choices. To follow the five second rule or not to follow the five second rule? It was a sticky liquid, but I had mopped recently...right? (Wrong.) Raw honey, uh antibacterial, right? The result: A cereal bowl of honey on the counter and a ruined day. I cannot describe how dispirited I felt for DAYS after this event. I cried cleaning honey, I cried making dinner, I cried on Adam when he got home. In retrospect, it's actually pretty silly. It was honey. Fourteen dollars for a cup and a half. But honey. But no glass chips have been eaten. (Update: I chomped one the first week of January. It was rather scary.) No one even got sliced in the break. Heck, I even got a three hour chunk to myself that evening while Adam took the kids to a park.

So the moral of this story is: My husband is a saint.

PS: Titus still talks about this a week and a half later "Honey break. Mommy sad. No throwing."

PS2: I just found this link up. It seems totally related. Check it out!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Orders From A Wise Person

Make these:

Eat them every meal for the rest of your life.

You will not regret it.

(I've done it for a week now.)